Why do I dodge mental conversations with you?
Why do my fingers fret and hesitate at the thought of typing ‘I Miss You’?
Why do I harass my mind to get you out – keep you away?
Why do I resist this urge to hunger for you?
Why does the thought of wanting you near scare me to perspiration?
Why do my lips quiver at the thought of your own – the ones that begged me to stop?
Why does the thought of what was then, feel so illicit, so stupid today?
Why does the sweetness that defined peak moments taste so tasteless now?
Why does common sense dislodge this need within?
Why does this feeling feel so heavy?
Why does my heart agitate for evacuation of all things you?
Why?
Why indeed!
For I still have the gut to question the hands that lifted that life-muting blade
I still have the fingers to write words on a grave whose contents is all that’s left of you
I still have the courage to ask your shadow to stop following me
I still have energy to evict you out of my mind
Because I can’t stand it, I can’t stand you and me either
I can’t stand watching my hands stain our moments of innocence
I can’t watch myself lift my hands to hit that last nail
I refuse to watch you roam my mind, begging for what was obvious for me to save
I should have had a choice then
But I needed to save me – to save us all
Only that I didn’t
Journeys Within 